User:Carralpha/The Noob Protector
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Contents |
[edit] The True Stuff
It was a windy day in Varrock. Carralpha walked slowly up the road, with no armour, no weapons, no shield, just a purple cape. An ordinary purple cape. He was below level 30. That generally made him what most stupud people above level 60 would call a noob. But the thing was, he had to be a noob. Because Carralpha, was, infact, a noob protector.
Only a few people knew this. Carralpha had to keep most of this secret because most people would just go Rofl at the sight. And Jagex themselves never knew about him. Carralpha was the secret noob protector. And only a few poeple knew it. These are all examples of noob protectors.
What Carralpha loved about being a noob was that he was able to cook, fish, mine, and craft without a voice in his head saying "Go and kill that Zombie now!" But he didn't like having to walk around without armour, weapons, or a shield. But he loved his purple cape. That was his skillcape. The imaginary skillcape of achielvement for the imaginary skill of noob protection. Because Carralpha would have soared in this skill, and others would stay as level 1, or even drop below 0...
[edit] The Story
Carralpha was enjoying a nice day in Lumbridge, in world 106 (even though he was a member). He loved to watch the noobs walk about, training on rats, and he loved to see the small fireworks that went off when they had reached a new combat level. He loved to see the sight of a level 3 approach Lumbridge next to the guide, and he always would give them a cake or a pizza to help them on their way. He had just finished giving a loaf of bread to one of these players when he was approached by the Lumbridge Guide. The Lumbridge Guide had been watching Carralpha for a long time, and now he knew about his position.
"Carralpha, the noob protector," he said, "I have a little...job for you. I want you to go back."
"Back where?"
"To Tutorial Island, where no player has ever returned to. Do you remember the magic instuctor there?" I wasn't much of a mage myself, but I remembered that he was responsible for transporting you to the Lumbridge Guide. "I know where you can find the runes required to teleport back to Tutorial Island. You must create a new account first. Then you must do NOTHING on tutorial island, and keep your skills at 0 xp. The instructors will recognise you because you will be called 'Carralpha1'. The magic instructor will supply your new account with the Level Rune, the rune used to controll one's level."
I did what the Guide commanded. Then, I saw the Level Runes. They had the image of a lightning bolt on it, and when I received them, my spellbook changed! I now had spells like - 'Change Combat to Level 1' and '+50 Crafting'. All I needed was Level Runes. I went and stored the runes in my bank...and they multiplied! Instead of one rune, I had 2,147,483,647. I remembered that my bank could only store 2 to the power of 31-1 of the same item, as limited by Java. When I withdrew 100 runes, it stayed as 2,147,483,647 in my bank, so I knew I had an infinite number of runes in there. I then thought to myself, it was time for a bit of noob protecting.
So I went to Lumbridge and there I discovered a level 78 saying that a level 3 should not be allowed to do any quests that didn't start in Lumbridge. I then looked in my new spellbook and found 'Half Level'. That looked good. I cast it... the player became level 39! I cast more spells on him and eventually he bacame a level 0, a level only achievable if you have negative combat stats. This was fun, I thought. I continued and used my spells to destroy all that hated the low-levelled kind. Soon, everyone knew that Carralpha1 was a noob protector, and that anyone who dared call him a noob would get it.
Then one day, after giving full rune to a level 6 (to sell), all of the guides approached Carralpha1. they gave him the noob protection skillcape of achievement, with a picture of a happy face on the back, and a perfect emote:
- A small boy steps up to Carralpha1, with his hands out ready to catch a stray bread crumb. Carralpha raises his hands above his head and showers the small boy in gold.
[edit] A Word or Two about Noob Haters
Noob haters are generally above level 70, but they could be below. They will call any player significantly below their level a 'noob', just for the sake of it. That make Noob Haters like bulleys. And they aren't just bullies in the game. In the forums, there is often a suggestion of 'banning noobs from pest control' or 'stopping noobs from mining coal'. They will often call a player a 'noob' if they accept a trade for giving 100k for free, or even if the Hater is dying in the wildreness, although the player being called a noob would probably be higher level than the hater. Certain Noob haters can go too far, and simply call a player a 'noob' until they log out. This is the point where a Noob Hater should generally be reported (I should know, I've done exactly that).
[edit] A Word or Two about Noob Protectors
In the story, the only real Noob Protectors are Carralpha and Carralpha1, but in real (virtual real I mean) RuneScape they are everywhere. I have had one person on my talk page saying that he likes the fact that I'm a noob protector, and that make himself one. I've seen a player on the forums suggesting a minigame where noobs have an advantage over high-levelled players.
