Hello noobs! Are you hungry to find out what we've got in store for you this April? Drum roll please!
For the past 18 months, our development team have been working in secret to bring you the most anticipated update of all time – horses! Yes, that's right, mounts are making their way to Gielinor! We've listened to your whining on the forums and we know that you lot can't even be bothered to walk to your favourite scamming spots.
Just pop along to Solomon's store and get your free mount now! Whilst it starts pretty basic, there's plenty of upgrade options for it too for those of you of level 121 hunter and above, like the 100 slot beast of burden upgrade, the "teleport anywhere you like" super extreme doohicky, 10x XP buff or the insta-kill PvP beak attack. Don't worry if you don't have the right hunter levels, it doesn't unbalance the game too much.
Four years ago we developed JAGMotion but after extensive testing we came to the conclusion that this just wasn't practical for RuneScape players, so this year we're releasing something slightly more realistic. RuneVision. Using the latest in VR technology and haptic feedback you'll now be able to experience all thrills, spills, bumps and cuts of a medieval fantasy life in the comfort of your own home. Fallen off an agility shortcut? You'll experience that life point drain yourself, true immersion at you're plugged in, lacerated fingertips. Why not actually learn to cook while training your cooking – just be careful not to get burned! Take on others in brutal Player vs Player action where you can literally feel your opponent's fireballs slapping against you. We're still fixing some of the bugs in the PvP department…
And as an extra incentive you'll be able to earn bonds in our brand new "Bonds For Bruises" scheme - an app that converts your pain into bonds or in game XP!
As a special cross promotional update, both Old School and RuneScape are doing some special cabbage-themed updates this month, with unique golden cabbage bosses in the God Wars dungeon, intent on ruining your day with their noxious aromas and tasteless temperament.
Unique drops await, like the Savoyed Knight Equipment or the savage cabbage special attack! Are you a brassi-can or a brassi-can't?
In other news
Also in the merchandise store this month we've finally caved in to the 10's of emails and tweets we've received requesting yours truly on your own t-shirt. Isn't that probably the sexiest thing you've ever seen, apart from the original of course...? Look out in the future for your mod_mark socks, training weights and cutlery set!