The pain is unbearable. I need more crystal. I can barely think about anything else. But I know that I have to resist. I have to fight off that urge, that craving. I know that the crystal will hurt me, consume me and destroy me. I know that with absolute clarity and yet. Yet I still can't think about anything else.
The pain is still there, always present, always reminding me. But, I feel I am better able to resist it today. I've been without the crystal for 5 days now and whilst it's agony, I am feeling a little more like myself. In many ways I am more myself than I've ever really been. No longer that little boy that felt trapped in a skin that was not his own. The form changing ability of the crystal certainly has it's advantages.
A full week. I have managed to avoid temptation for a full week. I'd love to say that I am free from their influence now, but I know better. I do know that if I can survive this long, then others can as well. I believe that with a strong enough support structure, then we can overcome this nightmare. I just need to find a way to make the others understand.
Everything aches. Even writing this is so painful. I just need one crystal. Just to stave off the pain.
Sometimes we get lost on our journey. I met my first setback and it will prepare me for when I face it again. I feel ashamed for my failing, but I managed 9 days, so I can manage 10 and then 11. One day at a time and I will be free.
I have something new to focus on. Something new to stave off the craving.
Though the road has been difficult and we've certainly slipped along the way, the two of us have been together for over a year now and it has made the pain almost forgettable.
Today he asked me to marry him. I said yes, obviously.
We are doing well. We've decided to hold the wedding by one of the ancient temples to show that, despite everything, we endure. It's not going to be official, I know, there isn't enough of us sane enough to go through the full ceremony. But it will be enough just to know that we'll give our lives to one another.
It's done. We are married. I wish I could be happy, but he's so distracted.
He is pale and sweating. His eyes are wide and crazed and he could barely make it through his vows without tripping up. I fear the crystal has him again.
He's gone. He left in the light, leaving all of his things behind. He's gone for the crystal, I know.
I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
By Seren it hurts.