Transcript of Smoking Kills

This page contains dialogue related to Smoking Kills. The content below is copied verbatim from RuneScape and thus copyrighted by Jagex.

This transcript involves dialogue with Ali Cat, Banshee Mistress, Cat, Catolax, Insectoid Assassin, Jesmona, and Sumona.

Distressed Damsel

Attempting to close the curtain

• Some mystical force prevents you from moving the curtain. Sumona gives you a knowing smirk.

Talking to Sumona with a cat out

• Sumona: How dare you speak to me with that spying cat following you. Keep the vile creature away from me.

Talking to Sumona without a cat out

• Player: Hello, there. I have a strange feeling that you are important. Have you any idea why this might be?
• Sumona: Oh, I'd have no clue; unless the gods themselves have taken an interest in my plight. Would you be the sort of hero who could rescue a damsel in distress?
• Player: I've had some mixed experiences with this sort of thing in the past. Give me some more details and I'll consider it.
• Sumona: Very well. It's a simple tale: my twin sister has been captured by fiendish monsters and is held down the town well. I need a hero to rescue her. Can you help me? If you live, I give a solemn vow to reward you greatly.
  • Player: I'd rather not.
  • Player: Certainly. I can help.
    • Sumona: Great! All you need to do is to jump down the well in the centre of Pollnivneach and save my sister. Get to it.

Talking to Sumona again

• Player: Hello, again. Do you have any news for me?
• Sumona: No news. My sister is still trapped in the bowels of the earth, awaiting your rescue.
• Player: So, nothing I should know?
• Sumona: Nothing. Could you get down there and rescue her? I'm sick with worry, don't you know.

Ali Cat's Warning

You attempt to enter the well

If you are not wearing the Amulet of catspeak

• As you approach the well, a stray cat darts out and intercepts you.
• Ali Cat: Meeeeeow.
• Player: Not now puss, I have important work to do.
• Ali Cat jumps at your feet four times, twice on each side; you pick up your feet on that side each time he does that.

• Ali Cat: Mew, mew.
• Ali Cat runs in circles around you twice; you look around as he does so.

• Player: Don't you have an owner or something? Get away!
• Ali Cat: RAAAREEEEOWEEE!
• Ali Cat jumps at your feet once, jumps down, then jumps at your head; you struggle for a brief moment, then let him go.
• Player: Ow, ow, ow! Okay, I get the hint, you insane thing. I guess I need to talk to you, even a cat would understand the vital nature of my heroic quest.
• Ali Cat: Mew, mew.

If you are wearing the Amulet of catspeak

• As you approach the well, a stray cat darts out and intercepts you.
• Ali Cat: Stop, stop. Silly human.
• Player: Not now puss. I have important work to do.
• Ali Cat jumps at your feet four times, twice on each side; you pick up your feet on that side each time he does that.
• Ali Cat: I said stop. Don't you understand?
• Ali Cat runs in circles around you twice; you look around as he does so.
• Player: Don't you have an owner or something? Get away!
• Ali Cat: I have no owner, for I am a free cat. Listen to me or die horribly!
• Ali Cat jumps at your feet once, jumps down, then jumps at your head; you struggle for a brief moment, then let him go.
• Player: Look, fleabag, I need to go down here to rescue a damsel in distress. I know it's dangerous.
• Ali Cat: You think you can fight banshees while surrounded by smoke? More skilled folk than you have died horribly in there.
• Player: Smoke and banshees? Well, I'm sure I'll prevail.
• Ali Cat: Try wearing your earmuffs and a face mask at the same time, bonehead: it can't be done. You'd be as helpless as a newborn kitten thrown into the Fight Pit. Luckily, I know a solution to this problem.
• Player: I suppose you'll have me travelling the globe on some epic quest?
• Ali Cat: Oh, no. All you need to do is seek out Catolax, a Slayer master who died ages ago, and have a chat with him. He was buried in the desert, so he may be hard to talk to.
• Player: The desert's a big place, any better directions?
• Ali Cat: A deity told me to look near the ruins of Ullek. That's some-way east of what you humans call the Agility Pyramid. There are some old tombs in the valley walls there, which are only openable if you know the trick.
• Player: Okay, the tombs east of the Agility Pyramid, talk to dead Slayer guy, learn the 'trick' and I can be off. Oh, and thanks, too.
• Ali Cat: My pleasure. A warning: don't trust any redheads. Oh, take your cat friend and this...
• You have a momentary insight, from a source that is completely unknown. You feel you know how to enter one of the tombs of Ullek.

Talking to Ali Cat again

• Ali Cat: Hello again, human. There's still no way you'd survive in there, so you can't go in.
• Player: Can you remind me what I was supposed to be doing?
• Ali Cat: You need to seek out Catolax, a Slayer master who died ages ago, and have a chat with him. He was buried in the desert, so he may be hard to talk to.
• Player: The desert's a big place, any better directions?
• Ali Cat: A deity told me to look near the ruins of Ullek. That's some-way east of what you humans call the Agility Pyramid. There are some old tombs in the valley walls there, which are only openable if you know the trick.
• Player: Okay, the tombs east of the Agility Pyramid, talk to dead Slayer guy, learn the 'trick' and I can be off. Oh, and thanks, too.
• Ali Cat: My pleasure. A warning: don't trust any redheads. Oh, take your cat friends.
  Talking to Sumona again
• Player: Hello, again. Do you have any news for me?
• Sumona: No news. My sister is still trapped in the bowels of the earth, awaiting your rescue. You smell funny; of cat, or something.
• Player: Well, I spoke to a cat just recently and talked about our mission. It said-
• Sumona: You think I'm interested in your gossip? Go and rescue my sister from that well.
• Player: But-
• Sumona: No ifs, no buts, just rescue. We have a deal remember? I even made a vow to reward you. That's not something I do often.

Tomb of the Slayer

Trials and Traps

Entering the tomb

• (In chatbox)
  • You find the secret latch and enter the ancient tomb of which the cat told you.

If your cat is not out

• You hear a mewing from your bag. Your cat seems to be attracting your attention.

Talking to your cat without Catspeak amulet

• Player: Hey puss! Any news?
• Cat: Purr.

Talking to your cat while wearing Catspeak amulet

• Player: Anything you could offer in the way of advice, my feline friend?
• Cat: Have you seen the way that Sumona creature looks at me?
• Player: What's that got to do with it?
• Cat: She hates me, which shows she's up to no good. We cats are a blessed species – remember that.
• Player: I'm still confused, but I'll give your theory due consideration.
  Searching the floor
• There are small holes in the floor. It's a trap!
  • Try to avoid it.
    • You attempt to evade the trap but it is impossible. It must be controlled elsewhere.
  • Leave it alone.
    • Player: I think I'll leave it alone. I might get hurt!
      Passing the sticks

• Try as you might, you find no way of disarming this trap from here.

Searching a holey wall

First holey wall

• Player: Anything you could offer in the way of advice, my feline friend?
• Cat: Well, the obvious path is clearly a trap and that hole over there is very interesting.
• Player: Interesting enough to go in and have a look?
• Cat: I'll look inside and check it for you, on the off chance that there's a nice place to have a nap.
• Player: No, come back!
• Cat: Too late now. I'm off.

Second holey wall

• There's no clue about how your cat opened the door.

Destroying the broken door

• (In chatbox)
  • You swing at the damaged door mightily with your pickaxe, removing a chunk.
  • The already-damaged door is cracked further as you smite it.
  • You kick the door and break off another chunk.
  • Your swift footwork clears the last of the rubble.

Talking to your cat after it opens the door

• Player: Anything you could offer in the way of advice, my feline friend?
• Cat: Everything looks suspicious in here, but I have some special advice from special sources.
• Player: Special sources?
• Cat: He is content to act as an anonymous force for your preservation on this occasion, and that's not something he does often. You must have impressed him in the past.
• Player: Sometimes I feel that the action goes on behind the scenes in the desert.
• Cat: That's much the case here, too. The information I have for you is threefold. Firstly, you can avoid or kill enemies as you see fit to start with. Secondly, you should examine the smallest details if you see seemingly unavoidable perils.
• Player: Couldn't you give me direct instructions, for once? Just give me the third clue and let me ponder them all.
• Cat: Thirdly, the guardians sometimes only appear if their minions are dead. That's your lot – I hope you enjoy it!

Searching odd markings before disabling traps

• There are small holes in the wall. It's a trap!
  • Try to disarm it, using your Thieving skill.
    • You attempt to disable the trap, but it must be controlled from elsewhere.
  • Leave it alone.

Searching the wall on either side

• (In chatbox)
  • With a subtle grinding sound, a hidden mechanism operates in front of you. You'd best make your move now

Attempting to open the door for the first time

• (In chatbox)
  • You freeze in fear as an evil presence pervades the chamber.
• Mummy warrior attacks

Attempting to open the door again without the key

• (In chatbox)
  • The door is locked.

Attempting to open the door again with the key

• (In chatbox)
  • The door unlocks as you insert the key.

Pulling the lever on either side

Pulling the lever for the first time

• Hidden mechanisms rumble as you pull the lever.

Pulling the lever again

• This lever has already been pulled.

Searching the floor after pulling the levers

• It would appear that you have disarmed this trap by pulling the lever.
  Crossing over the floor after pulling the levers
• (In chatbox)
  • It looks like you have disarmed these traps with the lever. Phew!

Passing the sticks after pulling the levers

• (In chatbox)
  • It looks like you have disarmed these traps with the lever. Phew!

Catolax

Talking to Catolax without an Amulet of ghostspeak

• Catolax: Woo woo.
• Player: Now, where did I leave my amulet of ghostspeak?

Talking to Catolax with the Amulet of ghostspeak

• Player: At last, I reach you. I was told that you could help me in a quest.
• Catolax: Indeed I can. The master of the dead told me of your need.
• Player: Master of the dead? I'm already a bit confused, so some clarifications would be handy.
• Catolax: I am dead, so my appetite for conversation is not large. I will give you the knowledge, but will not submit to further examination. You already know the answers to your own questions.
• You have a momentary insight, from a source that is completely unknown. You feel you know how to combine earmuffs with a Slayer face mask.

Talking to Catolax again before combining the earmuffs with the face mask

• Catolax: Why must you pester me now? Combine your earmuffs and Slayer face mask, then go forth and rescue your damsel in distress. Anything more?
  • Player: Could you tell me what to expect during the rescue?
    • Catolax: Indeed I can, for it was there that I died, many years ago.
    • Player: Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
    • Catolax: It is no matter, as my life would have passed by now. As for the area beneath the well, it is the source of some creatures sought by slayers.
    • Player: I'd wondered where these came from, but I thought it was spontaneous generation, or something.
    • Catolax: Many of the perils of this world are there by design, not by accident. You will find, however, that much of the dungeon you intend to visit is sealed off. Only by successfully rescuing Jesmona and weakening the barriers will you be able to access the whole area.
    • Player: It sounds simple enough.
    • Catolax: Be warned, however, this Sumona might not be expecting for you to succeed. Also, there is a monstrous banshee there which has a scream capable of penetrating earmuffs, so you will simply have to tolerate its attacks. Luckily, the effect of this scream is more awkward than deadly in effect.
  • Player: I'm not after anything, in fact.
    Talking to Catolax again after combining the earmuffs with the face mask
• Player: I made the masked earmuffs.
• Catolax: The sister is rescued?
• Player: Well, no. I thought I'd come and chat with you, as it didn't seem that urgent.
• Catolax: Heroes aren't the same as they were in my day. Can I help you with anything else?
  • Player: Could you tell me what to expect during the rescue?
    • Catolax: Indeed I can, for it was there that I died, many years ago.
    • Player: Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
    • Catolax: It is no matter, as my life would have passed by now. As for the area beneath the well, it is the source of some creatures sought by slayers.
    • Player: I'd wondered where these came from, but I thought it was spontaneous generation, or something.
    • Catolax: Many of the perils of this world are there by design, not by accident. You will find, however, that much of the dungeon you intend to visit is sealed off. Only by successfully rescuing Jesmona and weakening the barriers will you be able to access the whole area.
    • Player: It sounds simple enough.
    • Catolax: Be warned, however; this Sumona might not be expecting for you to succeed. Also, there is a monstrous banshee there which has a scream capable of penetrating earmuffs, so you will simply have to tolerate its attacks. Luckily, the effect of this scream is more awkward than deadly in effect.
  • Player: I'm not after anything, in fact.

Bottom of the Well

Many Thanks

If you are not wearing the Catspeak amulet

• Ali Cat: Meeeeeow.
• Player: Ah yes, I can't understand you without my amulet of catspeak.

If you are wearing the Catspeak amulet

• Player: Hello, Ali. I made myself masked earmuffs, so I'm safe in that vile dungeon.
• Ali Cat: Good for you. I hope the hunting is great down there. If only there were more mouse-sized monsters, I'd be heroic too.

Smoking Kills

Entering the dungeon

• (In chatbox)
  • You descend into the somewhat smoky depths of the well, to the accompaniment of eery wails.
    Attempting to pick up an additional banshee voice after acquiring a first
• (In chatbox)
  • The object disintegrates with a faint howl as you try to pick it up.

After using the banshee voice on the wavering mystic barrier

• (In chatbox)
  • The banshee's voice erupts in a final cry, then dissipates into nothingness. The barrier loses some of its stability and you can pass through.
  • Your goal stands before you.
• Player: What's going on here, then?
• Jesmona: Save me!
• Insectoid Assassin: This woman belongs to us now and we shall not free her. No puny adventurer can interfere.
• Player: Free her or face my righteous wrath!
• Banshee Mistress: Eeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah!

After defeating the enemies

• Player: Once more, I am victorious and save the day.
• Jesmona: It is over. Now burn in the hell of your abject failure.
• (Spoken aloud)
  • Insectoid Assassin: No mi-
• Jesmona: You too have failed me.
• (Spoken aloud)
  • Insectoid Assasin 2: Spare me!
• Jesmona: My shackles! Now, freedom is mine. I am rescued, it seems. My sister will deal with this.
• Player: Now I really am confused.
• Catolax: My heartfelt thanks, adventurer. With the death of the banshee mistress, my soul is freed.
• Player: Can you tell me what just happened, though?
• Catolax: You have thwarted an attempt upon your life by the scourge of the desert lands. Her power will now be lessened once more. Fortunately for you, you have a promise of a reward, so will be safe from her vengeance. As I only answered your direct questions, I too will be able to exist without her torments. Only she loses.
• Player: That's a bit less confusing, but what about the book and the vanishing twin?
• Catolax: The book granted my murderess powers over the creatures here. I am sure that its destruction was simply to deny you its powers. As for the sister, I am sure you have realised that such a twin is far too convenient to actually exist. Now, my power to contact you through your mind is fading, as the immediacy of your victory passes. Once you have spoken with Sumona, I will await you below the well. Talk with me there if you have more questions.
  Passing through the wavering mystic barrier
• (In chatbox)
  • You pass through the mystic barrier, which feels odd.

A Job Well Done

Ali Cat

If you are not wearing the Catspeak amulet

• Ali Cat: Meeeeeow.
• Player: Ah yes, I can't understand you without my amulet of catspeak.

If you are wearing the Catspeak amulet

• Ali Cat: Word on the street is that you rescued the damsel and are due a hefty reward.
• Player: That's what I'm hoping.
• Ali Cat: Well, she's the sort to keep her promises, so you should be fine. Don't expect her to be gracious about it, though.
• Player: I'll bear that in mind.

Sumona

Attempting to close the curtain

• Some mystical force prevents you from moving the curtain. Sumona gives you a knowing smirk.
  Talking to Sumona with a cat out
• Sumona: How dare you speak to me with that spying cat following you. Keep the vile creature away from me.
  Talking to Sumona without a cat out
• Player: I rescued your sister or, at least, it seems she escaped. I assume you have some sort of psychic link and know that she is safe.
• Sumona: Yes, of course. I am delighted, happy, ecstatic.
• Player: I'll have some questions afterwards, but do I get a nice reward? You swore, quite definitely, to recompense me.
• Sumona: As you seem so good at killing things, I can give you some of these 'Slayer tasks' I hear about. I can also show you how to combine some of your existing Slayer equipment. In addition, my powers are such that you will be able to explore the areas beyond the barriers, down below the well, since I have weakened them for you.
• Player: Thanks. I hope you weren't too distressed by the whole affair.
• Sumona: Oh, I was more heartbroken than you can ever comprehend.

QUEST COMPLETE

Post-Quest Dialogue

Sumona

• Sumona: 'Ello. I'm a Slayer master now.
  • Player: I need another assignment.
  • Player: Do you have anything for trade?
  • Player: I am here to discuss any rewards that I might be eligible for.
  • Player: I have some questions about your sister.
    • Sumona: There's not much to say. She's back in a safe place, where no one will see her again.
    • Player: She started incinerating things when I freed her, and she said some pretty odd things. I'd prefer it if you gave me some answers.
    • Sumona: Am I my sister's keeper? Some things must remain a mystery, known only to the gods.
      • Player: I'd like to know about the inhabitants of the dungeons.
        • Sumona: They are monsters, so they are fit only for slaying. With no thoughts of an afterlife, they live a simple life of kill and be killed. You should strive for such an existence, for therein lies happiness.
        • Player: That's quite a grim philosophy.
      • Player: Why are you so shifty when I talk about your sister?
        • Sumona: Shifty? Me? I'm protecting her and leaving no clues to her location.
        • Player: But why not tell me?
        • Sumona: There has already been a kidnap attempt and there may be another. Now, I shall be silent, in case I reveal too much.
      • Player: The barriers in the dungeon confuse me.
        • Sumona: Well, they should be mostly passable. I weakened them for you after you rescued Jesmona. You should be able to sate your destructive appetite upon these creatures.
      • Player: I'm not after anything, in fact.
  • Player: Er, nothing.

Ali Cat

• Ali Cat: So, you've finished Sumona's mission and you're now using her to your advantage. Well done.
• Player: Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that.
• Ali Cat: Oh, but I would. Using folk who think they're superior, but you know are not, is a useful life skill. You're becoming ever more feline, which is a good thing – trust me.
• Player: I think that was a compliment, so thanks.