Issue 1 - Saradomin SpeaksEdit
Five Ages after creating the world of Runescape, the great god Saradomin has finally resumed communication with the inhabitants of this fast evolving planet. An agreement with his brothers prohibits him from directly intervening into Runescape's affairs, but in his great omniscience he still listens to the prayers of those who seek his knowledge.
Greetings, my young adventurers, and a warm welcome to all of you. As I look down upon the world that I created, I feel a strong sense of joy that it is now home to so many men and women of curious minds and adventurous spirits. I am also saddened to see that it is prey to so much death and destruction, and I can only assume that my brother Zamorak enjoys a large following on this small planet. Perhaps in time these mortals will learn of ways to co-exist harmoniously with their fellow humans. For now, however, I am sure that they will continue to hack each others' heads off with large metal implements.
It is often said that the tongue can be sharper than the blade, and this might explain the latest development from the secular powers that be. Although their wisdom may be less than infinite, there can be no doubt that the council has performed a small miracle in their creation of the snapshot - the latest way to report abuse. This pleases me greatly, for slander is the point when pride and stupidity converge. When a human disrespects another life, he disrespects his own.
It all became too much for the mage known as Andrew, whose ability to manipulate time means that these foul-mouthed ruffians can now be caught red-handed by snapshot - even after they have perpetrated their crime. The alchemy of reversal is then performed, with said mage adding injury to insulter.
Having abused the gift of speech, those brash youths are rewarded by having their tongue removed, a practice still favoured by the Mehkmets of Al Kharid. Those who truly revel in their idiocy may even find that they are excommunicated from Runescape altogether. At this point in time it would seem that 439 such wayward fellows have already been permanently banned from our great land, with another 995 receiving a blackmark against their name.
I, of course, know that snapshot has proved popular with you young adventurers. Indeed, some have been falling over themselves to report abuse from their fellow humans, often indirectly reporting themselves in the process! Weakened by their own runestones, you might say. So, in the ongoing war against malice, let us not ourselves malicious be. After all, any warrior who hopes to conquer great foes must first be a creature of great courage, and possibly not the sort of person who would be offended by the word 'noob'...
And so onto your own hopes and prayers. It seems many of you yearn for the creation of a four-legged riding creature, commonly referred to as a horse. In my all-encompassing benevolence I would say that this is not necessarily such a bad idea; but, alas, I have divined that horses would be less than happy about living on Runescape. Her rocky terrain and dried-out soil would not provide adequate footing for an animal that must support the weight of a human on its back. Maybe one day the evolutionary conditions could change, but don't start getting excited - Runescape wasn't built in a day, you know.
Equally popular is the desire for a mine which contains anvils and a furnace. "Why can't you have a mine with anvils and a furnace?" you cry, "Then each adventurer could advance their levels really easily." The answer is, of course, simple: if you had a mine with anvils and a furnace, then each adventurer could advance their levels really easily. Come on now, you slothful creatures. First you want an animal to cart you around on its back, and then you want an infinite supply of superior weaponry!
You must know that a hero's status is not chosen or acquired; it is carved into the sheer rock face of hard graft and toil!
And on that note I must return to my other creations. Just remember that hard work is always its own reward. And you get to cast some pretty good spells as well.
Strength through wisdom,
DISCLAIMER: The views of Saradomin do not reflect the views of Jagex Ltd or its employees. We tried to stop him saying anything controversial, but he is a god.