FANDOM


This official Postbag from the Hedge is copied verbatim from the RuneScape website. It is copyrighted by Jagex.
It was added on 28 May 2009.

I've been getting an increasing number of letters for Zanik, asking what she's been up to since her Bandos-bothering escapades. Well, I finally managed to catch up with her to deliver a letter from one of her biggest fans.


Dear Larry,

How did you first become interested in penguins? And why do you not try to ally with them, rather than being all sneaky? They could be powerful allies: spying on Ardougne's enemies, sabotaging machinery and such...

All they want is to FLY!

Yours suspiciously,

Yan tveskoeg


Operative Yan,

It seems you've been taken in by the cute flappy penguin feet, the endearing way they slide on their bellies, and how they huddle together over their eggs in the cold. This is a FRONT, sympathiser! DO NOT ACCEPT IT! I can only hope to persuade you with a story that also happens to be my first encounter with penguin subterfuge.

I was doing my usual spot-check for contraband in the penguin enclosure, as I do with every animal. Four penguins were huddled in the corner farthest away, upright and asleep – or so I thought. They weren't asleep. They were...I don't know if you've got the stomach to hear this, operative...

...they were regurgitating the bones of the fish they had eaten that day, making them into a scale model of Ardougne Zoo!

All I could do was stealthily run out and make an oath with myself to keep an ever-present eye on them. With your help, we can scupper their every move.

Larry out.
Larry

Dear Armadyl, or whoever reads this in his place,

Hey Armadyl! We haven't heard anything about you for a very long time, and I was wondering what you were all about. You have an army in the God Wars Dungeon, and your staff is in the Temple of Ikov quest, but it ends there. How come you don't have any followers aside from the guardians of your staff and your army? They were frozen for a long time, which suggest you used to be very powerful. If so, what happened? I have also heard some rumours of a new God War soon, and Zaros returning. If these are true, will you come back, because I will probably fight for you. Also, what happened to all of your aviantese? Did the war wipe them out, or was there a large-scale epidemic of bird flu, or was it something even more gruesome or horrendous?

From your curious enquirer,

Soren J1


Sir,

My Great Lord is regrettably unable to answer your letter, as He has left the lands of RuneScape to weep for His great losses, a sorrow only a god as sincere as Armadyl could know.

He still has followers, I assure you, most significantly ourselves, the Guardians of Armadyl. It is our sacred charge to guard what little remains of His works and to preserve His memory in all our deeds. There are more of His followers, of course, but in these days of suspicion and dark plots, few who openly embrace the Lord of Justice.

The aviantese were slaughtered during the God Wars, for they were among the greatest of Zamorak's foes. The Dark Lord's legions sent forth assassins and poisoners, demons of the air and horrors from beyond all sane worlds - indeed, whole armies of each of these nightmares - to put an end to Armadyl's noble children. The last few were left frozen when the Dark Lord woke Guthix with his final assault upon the flesh of this world.

Finally, we too have heard that agents of the god you call Zaros are abroad; it is good that someone is there to remember those who have left this realm. Rest assured, we have our own agents scattered across the world, and we shall surely know if anything arises.

Justice through Armadyl's judgment,

Idria
Marshal of the Guardians of Armadyl

Dear Mother Mallum, Queen of Sea Slugs...or however you would like to be addressed,

I have been wondering, WHAT ARE YOU DOING EXACTLY? I've been sitting in my parlour, throwing chinchompas around the room to keep myself from worrying about when you are next 'coming'. It's been a busy year I'm sure... and you do seem pretty slow at getting around (which I'm glad about, or I wouldn't be here writing this letter. I would be wherever you are at the moment...) but it can't take this long to do whatever you are doing!

Lilly181


Carrier,

I have taken the mind of this skull momentarily so I can update you with our progress. You carriers have an irritating need to communicate externally, so I must gain control of your mouths and fingers if you are to comprehend my news.

I am birthing, filling the tunnels beneath your cities with my spawn. It is tiring, for this world is more populous than any other we have encountered, and each carrier above ground demands one of my spawn as a companion. This, alas, is our nature: the slow, inexorable crawl of the slug across your world.

Do not worry, for it will not take long. And, once I have a perfect mirror of your surface world – one slug for each carrier above – we will unite and become family. It makes me happy to think of that new world, and you will no doubt understand my happiness completely, and soon.

Mallum,
Your Great Mother

Dear dwarf,

You know how scorpions and skeletons are always guarding precious ores? Now I think of it, it's kind of weird; is it because they are just plain greedy? Or is it like dragons - they keep the ores so it will protect them (they swallow precious ores to protect their bellies, I think)? Why? For what reasons do they guard them? Thanks for answering all these questions.

The 'Ores' Hunter,

Wallace Lin


Dear Wallace Lin,

Hello, friend - Nurmof here. Thought I'd field this one, being something of an expert on mining (if I do say so myself). Right, to start off, let's talk about scorpions. Scorpions are addicted to a peculiar residue commonly called scorpionite, which can be found on certain types of ore. Scorpions can't get enough of the stuff, and they seek out all the ore they can find in the hope of getting a bit more scorpionite to eat. It has the bothersome side effect of making them violently territorial, as I'm sure you have noticed.

As for skeletons, it's usually the case that the ones that you find near ores are the ones that used to be miners, back when they still had some flesh on their bones. They're just acting on instinct, by returning to the places they occupied when they were alive. It almost makes you pity them.

I hope that answers your question, my friend. Good mining!

Nurmof

Dear Vanstrom Klause,

As an accomplished member of the Myreque, I have stopped your evil deeds again and again. But something puzzles me greatly. Being a vampyre, your patron god is Zamorak, god of chaos. But Meiyerditch seems to be very orderly, almost as if Saradomin controlled it. Why do you do the exact opposite of what your god says? Also, when will I get to fight you in person? When will war break out between Misthalin and Morytania? What type of spread do you use on bagels? What does human blood taste like?

Balance is Power,

Power is Peace,

Peace is Good,

Sincerely,

"Murtagh Four" of the Dwarves


Pah, foolish bloodsack!

Worship Zamorak? We vampyres have no need of your gods; our home is godless and bloody, its inhabitants are mere cattle for our pleasure, and ours alone. The closest thing to a god that the vampyres know is Lord Drakan, Prince of the Blood and Regent of the Sanguine Fields. You would do well to know that Zamorak was an ally at best, and that the bargains we made with that upstart were to our benefit - without our support, he could never have achieved his great deeds.

In answer to your other questions: plans are in motion to bring you to us in chains, anaemic and scampering to do our will. Wars do not interest us, only conquest. Blood. Human blood tastes like enslaved cattle.

Immortality is the greatest of all gifts, for we recall days older than the Mahjarrat.

Yours bloodily,
Vanstrom Klause

Dispatches from ZanikEdit

No matter what, Zanik would never have remained in Dorgesh-Kaan. In this edition of the Postbag from the Hedge, we hear of her explorations and some unusual sightings.

Dear Zanik,

I hope your ventures in the surface world have been fun, and, as I'm sure you're still busy dealing with the wonders of surface life, I won't keep you. But I'd like to ask you a few things we never really got around to before you left. How are you, for one? Last I heard, you were still recovering from the War God's attack (I can't tell you how worried I was when you didn't wake up). If you are still hurting, I wish you a speedy recovery. Next, what do you intend to do when you finish adventuring? From our time together you never mentioned any plans to settle down or anything similar.

Is there some way I can contact you besides a letter (I know you are busy, don't get me wrong). I do miss spending time going on adventures. You always told me you enjoyed the treks we went on together, so maybe I can accompany you on your current trips. I travel light, and I know you can always use an extra hand. I look forward to hearing from you again. Godspeed.

Thinking of you,

Deigo7


Dear Deigo7,

It's so good to hear from you! How have you been? I'm doing great! You'll never guess what's happened to me! I'll tell you in a minute.

I'm okay. I was pretty badly wounded after that last fight, and the doctors made me stay in bed to rest, which was boring. I managed to sneak out a few times, but I wasn't up to doing much. I'm all healed now, though. I'm feeling great!

Well, maybe that's not true. Physically I'm better. I'm still having the nightmares, sometimes – the ones where it's in my head again and it's making me do all these horrible things. But I'm getting them less and less often now. The whole thing is like a nightmare, one that's all over now.

I've just read that back and I'm still not sure I believe it. It's really over! My whole species has been hiding away for so long, and now we don't have to. We can get out into the world and explore, and our destiny can be whatever we want it to be! And you saved us. Thank you so much. Without you, things would have been very different.

Anyway, enough about that: I was going to tell you what's been happening to me. I'm writing this letter in Port Sarim, sitting in a little inn called the Rusty Anchor. It's decorated with nets and stuffed fish, but not all the sailors who drink here are fishermen. I introduced myself to them and they said they were PIRATES. Well, no, what they said was more like, "Arr, lassie, yo ho ho, we be pirates, that we be," but I got the general meaning.

I can't believe the surface sometimes. Pirates – thieves! – drinking in a bar plain as day! Captain Undak would have a fit if he saw it.

Actually, it's not the first time I've met pirates. I've just got back from a sea voyage to a place called Mos Le'Harmless. It's full of pirates, but I didn't find out that's what they were until later. (Don't laugh at me! We don't have pirates in Dorgesh-Kaan so I didn't know how they talk and dress.) I went there to explore the jungle on the island – it's full of these things called 'jungle horrors', but I didn't see what was so horrible about them – and that evening I had a drink with some of the locals. I tried something called Braindeath 'rum' (the quotation marks are apparently part of the name) and I can't actually remember much of what happened afterwards. There was definitely some sort of song, and talking parrots. (Can parrots really talk, or did I just think they could talk because I'd drunk too much 'rum'?) Anyway, the next thing I knew, it was morning and I was on board ship again, heading for Entrana.

Entrana was boring. They wouldn't let me take my crossbow onto the island. (I don't remember if I told you, I got a new crossbow to replace the one I gave you. I've customised it a bit after visiting the dwarves in Keldagrim and taking a look at the kind of crossbows they make. I won't bore you with the details, though.) Entrana was kind of peaceful, I suppose, but I didn't see the point. The monks act all superior and holy just because they shave their heads, wear ugly robes and talk about Saradomin the whole time. But they're not doing any harm to anyone and I didn't want to get into an argument with them, so I just kept quiet.

But I haven't told you the most exciting thing! I saw a sea monster! We were on the way back from Entrana, going around Mudskipper Point. The sky was dark and a bit of a storm was blowing up. All the monks on the ship were getting scared and praying to Saradomin. The captain monk was shouting for them to do something to the sails (I still don't understand nautical jargon), then suddenly there was a sort of CRUNCH as the ship hit something! The monks were too busy to see anything, but they wouldn't let me help so all I could do was watch. I saw something big and dark moving under the water beside our ship. Then the lightning flashed and I saw this thing sticking up out of the water, like an eye on the end of a stalk. It looked around for a moment and I'm sure it looked straight at me, then it went back down into the water and the monster went away.

Zanik SeaMonster

The storm cleared and we made it back to Port Sarim. The damage to the ship wasn't too bad but none of the monks or sailors knew what had caused it. One sailor (I mean PIRATE really) muttered something about the 'Leviathan'. He was pretty shaken and said he needed to go and have a drink, although, to be honest, I think he would have had a drink anyway.

So now I'm writing this in the Port Sarim bar and outside the monks and the pirates are still arguing about the sea monster. The monks are writing it off as a hidden sandbank or something, but I know what I saw. There's definitely something down there.

I'll leave this letter with the barman to give to Postie Pete and then I think I'll get the next ship for Karamja. I hear there are still some parts of the jungle down there that haven't been properly mapped. After that, I'll probably go back to Dorgesh-Kaan for a while since I'm starting to miss Oldak and Grubfoot and the others, but I'm sure I'll leave again before too long.

You asked about what I'm going to do when I finish adventuring, and whether I'm planning to settle down. Well, to be honest, I'm not even thinking about that right now. I suppose I'll have to stop travelling eventually, and I'll stay in Dorgesh-Kaan or maybe settle in one of the surface cities. But that won't be for a long time. There's still tons of places to see, things to do, people to meet.

Anyway, it was great to hear from you! Maybe I'll see you around somewhere in the world, and I'd love to get more letters. I'm sure you're having adventures just as exciting as mine!

Lots of love,
Zanik

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.