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  • Miss Schism: Oooh, my dear, have you heard the news?
    • Ok, tell me about the news.
      • Miss Schism: Well, there's just too much to tell at once! What would you like to hear first: the vampire, the bank or the battlefield?
        • Tell me about the vampire.
          • Before Vampire Slayer
            • Dialogue missing
          • After Vampire Slayer
            • Miss Schism: Well, there's nothing to tell Now. You killed it.
            • Player: You could sound a little grateful.
            • Miss Schism: I'm sure I could, but I don't see why. The vampire wasn't bothering me.
            • Player: ...
        • Tell me about the bank.
          • Player: What about the bank?
          • Miss Schism: It's terrible, absolutely terrible! Those poor people!
          • Player: Ok, yeah.
          • Miss Schism: And who'd have ever thought such a sweet old gentleman would do such a thing?
          • Player: Are we talking about the bank robbery?
          • Miss Schism: Oh yes, my dear. It was terrible! TERRIBLE!
          • Miss Schism: But tell me - have you been around here before, or are you new to these parts?
            • I'm quite new.
              • Miss Schism: Aah, perhaps you missed the excitement. It's that old man in his house here. Do you know him?
              • Player: Well, I've spoken to him.
              • Miss Schism: When he first moved here, he didn't bring much. From the window you could see he just had some old furniture and a few dusty ornaments.
              • Miss Schism: Here, look at this picture:
              • You look at the picture... [Cutscene ensues]
              • Miss Schism: Also, he always seemed so poor. When I went round to collect donations for the Draynor Manor Restoration Fund, he couldn't spare them a penny!
              • Player: So he's redecorated?
              • Miss Schism: Well, just you look in there now!
              • [Cutscene ensues]
              • Miss Schism: You see? It's full of jewellery and decorations! And all those expensive things appeared just after the bank got robbed.
              • Miss Schism: He changed his hat too - he used to wear a scruffy old black thing, but suddenly he was wearing that party hat!
              • Miss Schism: He's got that horrible woman in there too. I know her type. I'll bet you they're up to no good.
              • Player: So that's why you're telling people he was the bank robber?
              • Miss Schism: Oh, my dear, I'm SURE of it! I went upstairs in his house once, while he was out walking, and do you know what I found?
              • Player: A sign saying 'Trespassers will be prosecuted'?
              • Miss Schism: No, it was a telescope! It was pointing right at the bank! He was spying on the bankers, planning the big robbery!
              • Miss Schism: I bet if you go and look through it now, you'll find it's pointing somewhere different now he's finished with the bank.
              • Player: I'd like to go now.
              • Miss Schism: Oh, really? Well, do keep an eye on him: I just KNOW he's planning something.
            • I've been around here for ages.
              • Miss Schism: Ah, so you'd seen the changes here. It's that old man in this house here. Do you know him?
              • Player: Well, I've spoken to him.
              • Miss Schism: When he first moved here, he didn't bring much. From the window you could see he just had some old furniture and a few dusty ornaments.
              • Miss Schism: Here, look at this picture:
              • You look at the picture... [Cutscene ensues]
              • Miss Schism: Also, he always seemed so poor. When I went round to collect donations for the Draynor Manor Restoration Fund, he couldn't spare them a penny!
              • Player: So he's redecorated?
              • Miss Schism: Well, just you look in there now!
              • [Cutscene ensues]
              • Miss Schism: You see? It's full of jewellery and decorations! And all those expensive things appeared just after the bank got robbed.
              • Miss Schism: He changed his hat too - he used to wear a scruffy old black thing, but suddenly he was wearing that party hat!
              • Miss Schism: He's got that horrible woman in there too. I know her type. I'll bet you they're up to no good.
              • Player: So that's why you're telling people he was the bank robber?
              • Miss Schism: Oh, my dear, I'm SURE of it! I went upstairs in his house once, while he was out walking, and do you know what I found?
              • Player: A sign saying 'Trespassers will be prosecuted'?
              • Miss Schism: No, it was a telescope! It was pointing right at the bank! He was spying on the bankers, planning the big robbery!
              • Miss Schism: I bet if you go and look through it now, you'll find it's pointing somewhere different now he's finished with the bank.
              • Player: I'd like to go now.
              • Miss Schism: Oh, really? Well, do keep an eye on him: I just KNOW he's planning something.
            • I've had enough of talking to you.
              • Miss Schism: Maybe another time, my dear.
        • Player: Tell me about the battlefield.
          • During the Battle of Lumbridge
            • Miss Schism: Have you seen the battlefield! Saradomin and Zamorak are fighting over to the east!
            • Miss Schism: I can't believe what they're doing to the tourist trade! Soldiers everywhere and spells flying over the town.
            • Miss Schism: I can't believe someone hasn't done something about it!
          • After the Battle of Lumbridge
            • Miss Schism: Yes, it's a great tourist attraction. It proves our little village is important.
    • Who are you?
      • Miss Schism: I, my dear, am a concerned citizen of Draynor Village. Ever since the Council allowed those farmers to set up their stalls here, we've had a constant flow of thieves and murderers through our fair village, and I decided that
      • Miss Schism: someone HAD to stand up and keep an eye on the situation.
      • Miss Schism: I also do voluntary work for the Draynor Manor Restoration Fund. We're campaigning to have Draynor Manor turned into a museum before the wet-rot destroys it completely.
      • Before Vampire Slayer
        • Dialogue missing
      • After Vampire Slayer
        • Player: Well, now that I've cleared the vampire out of the manor, I guess you won't have too much trouble turning it into a museum.
        • Miss Schism: That's all very well dear, but no vampire was ever going to stop me making it a museum.
    • I'm not talking to you, you horrible woman.
      • Miss Schism: Oooh.

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